I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
