Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
