Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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