apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
