Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
