Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
