so that wasnt chicken after all
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
