3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
