and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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