i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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