I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
