just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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