The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
