He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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