we have officially lost it.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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