and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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