the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
