My friends, they love my intelligence
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
