Have you finally orgasmed yet?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
