I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
