we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do herpes really smell.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
