is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
