maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
