Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Say something about gay babies.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
