that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
