You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
