Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
