your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
