mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
