You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
