i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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