i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
