i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
