I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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