I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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