If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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