it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
