girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
