would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
