I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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