he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
