So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The air taste purple.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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