The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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