Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
