Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
