never play flip cup with pint glasses
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just googled if crying burns calories
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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