Tell her she can't have a vagina
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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