We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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