i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
