I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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