apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
