I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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