one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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