bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
