if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
