just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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