Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
